fair warning:
this is a heavy post.
it might be hard for you to read. it might make you uncomfortable.
its honest, raw, and real.
and because its real, it must be told.
unlike most posts on this blog, there will be alot of writing and not a lot of pictures. but hang in there with me. it might just be worth the read.
this is an excerpt from my journal on August 4, 2011, written one night last week in Costa Rica.
“How do you even process going to the pit of Hell and back? Spending an evening in the Kingdom of Darkness? I felt like I didn’t belong, like I was in another world….I was in another world…another Kingdom, where the King hated me. And I felt it, His Hatred.
The very nature of the King of Darkness is to lie, steal, and destroy. For over an hour, I watched him do that. I witnessed him whispering LIES deep into the hearts of Princesses meant for another Kingdom and Princes who have become much less than the warriors and conquerers that they were meant to be. I saw with my own eyes the Deceiver STEALING — innocence, purity, joy, life. And I felt him DESTROYING — hearts, people, hope, what could be, what was meant to be.
It was too much for my weak heart to bear. I will never forget what I saw, what I felt.
I felt the pain, the sadness, the longing, the desperation, the desires. I felt the Darkness, the Heaviness, the Hell, the Evil that has overtaken the place.
Women — longing and looking — for value, worth, to be chosen, loved, needed, wanted.
Men — desiring, needing power, overcome with lust and hatred.
Heartbreaking
the Scene:
nighttime
downtown San Jose, Costa Rica.
The Hotel Del Rey: one of the most famous Brothels in the world.
the Characters:
hundreds of people, jammed into the lobby, casino, and bar of the Hotel Del Rey.
probably a 10 to 1 ratio of prostitutes to men (or “Johns” as they are called)
both taking advantage of the absence of law that makes prostitution legal in Costa Rica.
Breathtaking beauty, marred by evil and the demands of this world. Scant clothing, painted on faces, all for the purpose of securing approval and worth.
Competition between beauties…wanting badly to be the one chosen, to be seen. Some not wanting anything but escape but having no other choice.
Men, mostly “gringos” (whites) having their pick, reveling in the attention they are receiving at a high cost, higher than they can really see beyond the bills that they tuck into women’s revealed tops.
Me, trying to avoid the looks of men and women alike, standing in the crowded Blue Marlin Bar where all the action takes place, and also the spot of a 24 hour live web cam so others can enjoy the scene from home…sticking close to the wall so as not to be mistaken, so as not to be desired, so as not to be touched…scared, uncomfortable.
Watching…
an older man, a gringo, probably in his 60’s, with desire firing from his eyes, as he throws his head back in laughter only to bury it nonchalantly in the revealed chest of a young beauty, with flowing bleach blond hair that is no where near natural and fake eyelashes that made her flirtations look all the more desirable and sexy. she and the girl in the gringo’s arms opposite her are both convincing in their acts of enjoyment. He is easily deceieved, as the girls (I wonder if they work as a team) continue their work of securing business for the night, as i wonder the reasoning:
— maybe more money to continue running on the never-ending hamster wheel of desired beauty and favor
— or maybe to quench the insatiable thirst of their pimps, or masters, in order to avoid worse fate.
— or maybe, and very likely, to secure their next weeks supply of cocaine…the only thing that gets them through the Hell that they call life.
I stood, watching the scene before me and many others just like it, and imagining what was happening right above me, in any one of the 104 rooms in the 7 story hotel, meant for only one thing. i wondered about what was hidden, what I couldn’t see…the youth, were there tears, screams, pain – physically and emotionally.
And i stood and watched, feeling no authority or power, but wanting badly to stand on top of the bar and scream — in pain, humiliation, anger — to scream Promises that they do not know — of HOPE and LOVE and a NEW LIFE and of VALUE and TRUE BEAUTY.
But I couldn’t. I could only watch, and mourn for what was being lost, what was meant to be. I felt like I was watching death happen, and as much as I wish that I could say that I felt power in me, I did not. I felt so weak, so sad, so hurt as a women, so abused, even in the glances that came my way. I felt a combined disgust and pity for the men, taking advantage of beauty and innocence, as I tried to discover the real stories behind the lustful eyes, darting from one woman to the next, having their pick of the lot.
And yet…because the very presence of Jesus lives in me as a redeemed soul, light entered the darkness. In the mystery of this world beyond what my eyes could see, God’s army entered into the bloody battle scene. And although I can’t see it yet, and I certainly didn’t feel it tonight, victory has been won.
In the quietness of my heart while feeling the need to physically touch the walls of the Brothel, I begged Jesus to come. His response to me, “LeAna…I’m here.”
Isaiah 61:1 speaking of Jesus, says,
“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners…”
Jesus came for the Hotel Del Rey. He came for His Princesses and Princes, who chase after things that offer life, but upon closer look only give off the stench of death.
The name Hotel Del Rey means “Hotel of the King.” Ironic? yes. Coincidental? NO! Maybe that was meant to communicate to men that they are the kings in this Palace of Pleasure. But I know the truth. Hotel Del Rey = Hotel of the King = The One and Only King, who has Ultimate Ownership.
Maybe His Princes and Princesses have to enter the darkness in order to see the light.
Maybe that’s why He brought me to the pit of Hell tonight…to see darkness so that I could recognize the Light.
I, too, am a “prostitute”, a Princess who has given myself away in the hopes of gaining whatever it is I’m looking for. I long for beauty, to be desired, to be pursued, to be loved, to be seen. I compete, I want to be the one chosen, I long to be adored. I want approval, for someone to glance my way, to take notice. I work hard for these things. I often want these things more than I want Jesus. And just like the women of Hotel Del Rey, that desire for notice goes much deeper than just physical appearances…I WANT TO BE KNOWN!
I look to darkness to fill the voids, to give me what I desire. I put much weight into looking for life within the confines of my own Hotel Del Reys. I work in a “Brothel” of my own making, that enslaves me and holds me prisoner. My heart longs of the same things as the women and men in Hotel Del Rey. And although my quest for fulfillment may look different on the outside, it is a quest none the less. And the quest kills.
God brought me to a physical Brothel that is very much the same as the ones I create, to show me very visually what my heart searches for everyday. And I can’t help but to see how destructive it is.
And then The Good King gently whispers, “LeAna, I’m here.
I have come to rescue my Princess, because my heart for you far exceeds any kind of fulfillment you might find on your quest for things that will not only be unsatisfying, but that will steal life.
Remember…I am Your Redeemer. I am the One who has come to buy you back from your ‘gods’, your ‘pimps’, your ‘Johns’, who you’ve sold yourself to over and over again. I will purchase you back, pay your ransom. I delight in being Your Redeemer. It is my joy, because YOU belong to ME! YOU are MINE! I DELIGHT in YOU!”
This is a story that must be told. The Hotel Del Rey is real. It happens 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, here, and all over the globe. More often than I’d like to think about, children just like my own precious treasures are the victims. I cannot stand the thought. And yet, each prostitute, each “John”, is a child, someone’s child, God’s child.
My question today is most likely the same as your’s…What do i do with this?
I don’t have the answer.
But what I do know is that Rescue happened over 2000 years ago, on a mountaintop with a cross as the main backdrop, and that alone means that this story will have a happily ever after.
I don’t know the chapters between this one and the ending. I don’t know what scenes will be played out. I don’t know who all the characters will be. But I do know the Main Character, and knowing that is enough to hope for all of us…the Princes and Princesses, who believe the lies everyday, who prostitute ourselves before ‘gods’ that promise satisfaction…but still children who were created by THE KING for the purpose of dwelling with Him.”
If your heart aches by now, that’s good. Our hearts should ache for our world and what its become. We should mourn for what has been lost. We should BEG Jesus to come, to enter into the mess, to enter into our own messes. We are desperately needy children. But we have a Good King who loves to rescue His needy children. In that, we can rejoice with Thankful Hearts, that our Good King requires nothing of us beyond our neediness!
praying that the aches in your own heart allow you to see yourself as a needy child who is abundantly loved by the Good King, the Redeemer, the Rescuer,
i wanted to make some sort of fun breakfast for my kids to celebrate the First Day of school, but knew that it had to be a make ahead kind of thing, since mornings around here are always rushed. i found this recipe here, and whipped them up yesterday then stuck them in the freezer so that we can pop them in the toaster to enjoy on Monday morning.
here’s the next change i made. the original recipe calls for buttermilk. i substituted plain non-fat greek yogurt instead, eliminating fat and adding in extra protein.
(mind you…the entire stick of melted butter might just negate all the healthy changes i made! oh well…you gotta live, right? i might, however, try using less the next time i make this!)
if your fam is similar to our’s, then there is a good possibility that this will be the only breakfast of this kind all school year! we are typically quick cereal and oatmeal kind of peeps. but i think the crazies will enjoy this quite a bit! 
here’s the next change i made. the original recipe calls for buttermilk. i substituted plain non-fat greek yogurt instead, eliminating fat and adding in extra protein.
(mind you…the entire stick of melted butter might just negate all the healthy changes i made! oh well…you gotta live, right? i might, however, try using less the next time i make this!)
if your fam is similar to our’s, then there is a good possibility that this will be the only breakfast of this kind all school year! we are typically quick cereal and oatmeal kind of peeps. but i think the crazies will enjoy this quite a bit! 
and since we’re talking back to school food, i figured that i’d include this just for kicks…
and since we’re talking back to school food, i figured that i’d include this just for kicks…
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