waiting

the little bug is back to up speed, thankfully. and the rest of us thus far have remained healthy.

she was feeling much better this weekend, and even decided that she had enough energy to give her dad a haircut, using her “lego scissors”:
our crazies bring unending excitement around here. just to give you little example…

i was awakened yesterday to this crazy in a panic, saying, “mom…mom!! smell my nose! smell my nose!! i keep smelling throw up!! i just burped and now my nose smells like throw up!”

(in case you are wondering, i did not smell…)

our weekend also took us to the local YMCA, and the start of the Boy’s very first basketball season. it was pretty darn funny to watch.

i just love the intensity:

i’m finding it difficult to take any good pics inside the gym..anyone have any tips for me??
his sister was very very proud. it does a momma’s heart good to see them be each others’ biggest cheerleaders. this pic is a good reminder to me that they really do love each other, cause not 10 minutes later in the car they were screaming over who gets the LeapPad!
we also had another visit from the Tooth Fairy last night. the Bug is still convinced that her time is coming soon.

and as a side note, i’m struggling today, as i wonder what exactly God is doing with my little fam:

and where the heck He’s taking us:

a friend of mine recently reminded me that feelings are valid, and when I brush them off and just compare and say they aren’t a big deal in light of others’ problems and struggles, then i’m really just deadening my heart. I’m pretty good at doing that, cause sometimes its easier to just feel nothing than to really feel. But I have become convinced, especially lately, that God wants me to feel, and then come to Him with my honest feelings. And when I don’t, i think it makes me less alive and less connected in a way. So anyway…even though i could convince myself that my struggles don’t seem like that big of a deal in light of the problems of this world, i think there’s more freedom in being honest that its pretty much worn me thin lately as i’m feeling unsettled, in limbo, waiting. And I feel really out of control. and i’m guessing some of you can relate…

so God is stretching me, and my biggest struggle is believing that the stretching is better than the way i’ve mapped out how things should be. Really…its trust. Do I trust that He is as good as He says He is? That He has only good things in store for me? That He really is making all things new and redeemed? Are all His ways really loving? I think I do believe those things. But I would be lying to say that I didn’t doubt. Cause I do. But somehow, He draws me back. I guess that’s kinda what He’s in the business of doing….

and it makes me ask myself…what really is it anyway that makes me satisfied and joyful? My honest answer is my circumstances. But what I think i’m missing is that my circumstances are always, always temporary. That means that they will also ultimately let me down, fail me.

so we’re hanging on, in expectation, of what God is doing and is going to do. i read this the other day:

“i lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” Psalm 5:3

i love that. cause that’s about all i can control right now, and even the desire and abilty to lay my requests and wait is a gift. now if only i could remember all that….

its a rainy, yucky day here, so the bug and i are planning to whip up some new recipes. so i’ll be back to show you in a bit,