Nov
30
Receiving
Well…our family has started a new venture that i’ve often been intrigued by, but always wrote off as something we would never do. Funny how that happens, huh?
We have started our very own garden, and I am beyond excited about it! Our little beach community just started a community garden for the first time, and we jumped on board as soon as we heard about it. Good thing, too, cause they sold out pretty quickly, as this is the first of its kind in this community.
We “bought” a 20 ft by 20 ft plot of land and got started as soon as possible, to take advantage of this fall growing season. In my naivety, I kinda thought you just scatter some seeds around, water them regularly, and watch as things sprout before your very eyes! I mean…i knew you had to weed and stuff, which is why I always shied away from starting a garden…i hate weeding, cause weeding often means bugs and I HATE bugs (and am allergic to a few, so fear and hatred mixed can prevent you from doing lots of things!)
however…i quickly learned that there is quite a system, process, science to gardening! And once we got started in our research and began attempting our new project, things quickly came together, and I also quickly realized that I think this gardening thing is a whole lot of fun, especially when your garden is surrounded by other people’s gardens who you know from your community, and you all get to swap tips and tools and all kinds of other things!
(its also fun now because I realize that i’m bigger than bugs and can kill them in my garden by asking Canaan to go to battle for me and drown them with the hose, and that’ll be his highlight of the day every time!)
The best part of this whole garden thing is that we are splitting our plot with some of our best friends in the whole world, and that just adds to the fun of everything, (not to mention that it cuts the cost and work in half…big bonus too!)
I know a lot of you may not care about gardening. I didn’t really until I started one. So I won’t blog about all the details, etc. but if you are interested, and really want to know the details of what we are learning, ask me and i’ll tell you what small amount of info i’ve accumulated over the last month! Maybe i’ll throw in a post about it sometime if there’s interest, but don’t worry…this in no way will ever be…or could ever be…a gardening blog!! just a family of crazies attempting to embark on a new crazy journey!
So i’ll show you some pics as we’ve gotten started.
But instead of talking garden details, i’m gonna tell you some stuff that’s been on my heart lately as i’ve pondered this garden and how it is such a picture of my life.
I’m about to dump out a lot out…bear with me! (but keep reading…i think you’ll like the end!!)
I felt like the Holy Spirit impressed something on me just recently. I felt like he gently said to me a few days ago this phrase, “LeAna…you live under a cloud of guilt.” hmmm…WHAT was that, HS?! Where’s that coming from??
But as i’ve thought about that, I see exactly how that is true of me.
Here are thoughts that constantly run through my mind…
“I should be doing more…”
“I’m a crappy wife…”
“I suck as a mom…”
“Why does anyone want to me my friend?”
“I’m far too much for people to handle. They don’t want any of that!”
“I need to be doing more for God.”
“I’m simply not doing enough…”
“I need to reach out to more people.”
“I’m not spending enough time with God.”
“I need to work harder…”
It might sound like a bad bad case of low self esteem…for sure there are definitely some insecurities all over those thoughts, not the least of which is comparison to anyone and everyone who might seem like they are doing it better than me.
but its more than that.
I feel like the Holy Spirit was sweetly telling me that I live and operate out of a belief system…a false belief system, that keeps me under a cloud of condemnation.
i’ve heard the phrase before in my life,
“i love you, but I don’t really like you.”
sometimes I think God says that about me. “I love you LeAna…(almost cause He has to say it…He’s God)…but my enjoyment of you comes and goes, based on what you are doing or not doing.”
THAT IS THE BIGGEST LIE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!
i’ll say it again just in case you didn’t “hear”…THAT IS A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL!!!
one of the very best verses in the whole Bible in my opinion is:
Romans 8:1
“There is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus…”
I feel like the Holy Spirit kept telling me that verse, over and over, as he continued to gently impress on me this “cloud of guilt” that I live under….
and then…
I went to look up that verse to write correctly in this post….and as I often do cause its just so much more simpler for my tiny brain to comprehend, I checked it out in The Message translation and you’ll never ever guess what it says…(prepare yourself for how cool this is…an example of how God speaks personally and individually)
Romans 8:1 from The Message translation:
“Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud.”
Seriously?? pretty darn sure that just totally confirms that the Holy Spirit was in fact impressing on my heart a direct, personal message from God—to—me! and I can’t help but to think that this message might be for some of you too!
Could it really be true that there is NO MORE CONDEMNATION for us in Jesus? I mean…when I think about it…it really HAS to be true. If it weren’t than Jesus’ sacrifice was really a waste. Cause wasn’t the whole point in the cross to switch places with me…take what I deserve and give me what I don’t deserve instead? My sin and my failures make me deserve that punishment…eternally. But He took it for me. So if that’s true, there can’t be any more condemnation, right? That low lying black cloud…it was taken away forever the day Jesus switched places with me on the cross!!!
but its more than that too. He didn’t just give me the freedom to not have to live under a black could of guilt and condemnation. He gave me the very thing that I don’t deserve…His always and forever, never giving up, not based on me, love.
Zephaniah 3:17 says,
“The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.”
that doesn’t sound like a God who “loves me but doesn’t like me,” now does it? that sounds like a God who is so thrilled and enthralled by me that He can’t help but to sing, loudly and gladly!!
and its not because I did anything to get it. In fact, that verse states that He SAVES me. If a person needs saving, then obviously they are not capable of contributing anything to their rescue, are they??
so what does this possibly have to do with gardening, you ask?
Well…what if my broccoli plant got up one day and said, “i’m just still so little. I’m not good enough. My master gardener isn’t gonna be happy with me. I’m not gonna be worth much. I’m not big like that romaine plant over there. He must be digging his roots in deeper, or working harder to absorb more sunshine, or stretching his stem longer when the irrigation system turns on. I must work harder so I can grow more.”
kinda ridiculous. (Although I kinda wish my plants thought like that!) truth is, they can’t. They are plants. All they get to do receive. They can’t work hard to grow, to earn love. They can’t really please me based on what they do or don’t do. They just get to be planted where I want them, receive what I give them, and grow…strong, big, beautiful.
I live under a cloud of guilt when I am basing God’s love and pleasure of me on ME! When I believe that He can’t really like me unless i’m doing something for Him. I’m under the cloud when i’m trying to earn his pleasure by doing more, being more.
But like my plants in my new garden, its not about doing more.
its only about receiving.
that’s all there is to it! So simple, and yet not easy to do, is it??
in fact, its kinda dirty work to just receive…cause everything within us tells us that that kind of love is too scandalous to really be true.
that’s my problem. That’s my false belief system. I’m choosing to believe something that is not true. I don’t allow myself to just simply receive.
Church often tells us…other christians often tell us this…we tell ourselves:
“Work harder, and you’ll grow. Do all that God asks, and you’ll receive His love in return.”
Doesn’t really work that way, does it?
I know what some of you are thinking…yes…there is truth to cause and effect. If we read our bible’s, we will know more, and “growth” may happen. If I invest in relationships with other people, my life and their life may be richer. If I tell people about Jesus, they might come to believe in Him.
But none of that makes God love me any more than He already does. It just doesn’t. So I can do those things…but not as a means to get God to love me. He can’t love me anymore than he already does. Its complete. Jesus last words on the cross were, “It is finished” all this work to earn God’s love…finished. All this trying to measure up…finished. All this living under a cloud of guilt…finished. FINSIHED!! all of it!!
now…we just get to receive. That’s it. THAT’S IT!
Back in the summer, we were going through a bible study, and it was my turn to lead a chapter from the book we were studying (Counterfeit Gods) on God’s Love. I had read the material and studied and had taken a bunch of notes, but something was missing. So I prayed, and asked God to make the truth in that lesson very clear to me. While I was praying, I saw a picture in my head of me holding a flower:
I was picking off each petal, in classic 6th grade form of “He loves me, He loves me not.”
but as I pulled off each petal, I was asking that question with God in mind….Does He love me? Does He love me not?
As the scene played out, the striking thing was that with each petal pull, I was not saying, “He loves me, He loves me not.” instead, with each petal, I was saying, “He loves me!” “He loves me!” “He loves me!” “He loves me!”
there was no “He loves me not.” every single petal was “He loves me.”
I believed God was giving me this very message…that its all about “He loves me’s.” and not only that, but “He loves me nots” don’t even exist.
That’s where that cloud of guilt just simply fades away. I can’t live under a cloud when its all “HE LOVES Me’s!!!”
GOD LOVES ME like that!!
so this garden will remind me that this life is all about receiving…from the Master Gardener, who knows His trade so very well…and whose main job is to simply delight in me and wash away my cloud of guilt with His love.
Follow
