change

hey y’all.

its been a long time…

here’s a very quick update:

we moved. it really stunk. i think i literally touched every item in my house, to either throw it out, give it away, or pack it in a box. i cried….a lot…the most as i was packing away Berkeley’s nursery, wondering when she (and I) will get to enjoy a nursery again. i loved that room…

this move…was totally unexpected and fast. it just wasn’t in our plan, obviously…otherwise i wouldn’t have spent the last year making that house a home! but, very thankfully…its not because we lost a job, or lost our ability to pay for our home, or because we have to move out of our current city, or because something terrible happened. it just happened to not be in our plan RIGHT NOW, but sometimes things that are unplanned happen! but as its played out, its given us the opportunity to make some decisions for the short term that we are hoping are going to pay off in the long term. i keep telling myself…short term pain for long term gain.

so even though its hard…(there’s no other way to put it…can’t sugar coat it…life is sometimes just HARD)…its a good thing we aren’t in control (even if we think we are.) cause God’s always up to something bigger, and better, even when i can’t see it yet. and i am learning that i absolutely despise change, especially when i’m not prepared for it…so…oh man…this has been a struggle for me. so its not all bad, it just makes for an interesting season of nomadic transition so i guess you can say we are on an adventure of sorts. and because i tell God ALL.THE.TIME that i don’t like adventure, but would prefer a nice, quiet, introverted existence…its kinda ironic that “adventure” is currently my life.

here are a few things that i’ve learned/am learning so far:

God has gone before us, stands beside us, and journeys with us….every step of the way. I am very grateful for those truths, and they bring me comfort.
EVERYTHING…every.single.solitary thing He does, is for my good. And out of His love FOR ME PERSONALLY. There is zero punishment. Zero condemnation. Its all GOOD. I can trust that, even if I don’t like it all the time.
All this stuff…expectations for life and family and home…none of it really matters in light of Heaven. it really really really doesn’t…so maybe I can let go a little…or a lot. But….that is super painful…and does not come without a lot of tears and anxiety.
once you pack away all your belongings and put them in storage, you begin to realize 2 things: 1) you probably have A LOT of stuff, even if you are a purger by nature 2) you can live without 7/8 of it
Maybe the things I fear the most aren’t as scary as I imagine them to be.

change is hard, no matter how you spin it. even good change. and even though i think some good change is coming, i am extremely impatient, and get seriously ticked when it doesn’t come the way i planned it.

i had a vision in the midst of this craziness that i have held onto for comfort. it was of God standing behind me, with His hands over my eyes. i couldn’t see a darn thing, but He was leading me to a great big surprise.

y’all…i feel like i’m fumbling around in the dark, and yet there is this little spring of hope in me that something amazing is coming. and that “something” may be totally different than what i’m expecting…maybe even different than what i’m praying, but its coming. and i’m praying that there is great JOY in that, even if it isn’t what i might’ve thought. not irony at all that our family’s life verse is Ephesians 3:20:

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think…”

you’d think by now i’d have learned that His Way is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS way better than mine!! oh…that i would believe that with everything in me.

okay…now that all that’s off my chest, i can come back and post some fun things…its been heavy around here long enough!